November 19, 2001

• Misconstrued Feelings of Happiness

  
  

  I am a floater.

  
  

  I go to the bars with my friends, like to wander around, meet new people, say hello to old, pound a JD or two down with my friends, and buy girls I’m interested in drinks.  This may just be my folly, I’m too nice.  Most of you at home know how I am, but I think my actions were misinterpreted this past weekend when I was with some friends celebrating Jason’s 21st birthday at a bar called Windows Too.  I wasn’t originally planning to go out, (I went out every night since last Wednesday – fukken expensive) but instead was planning to chill at Ivan’s with a bunch of friends to watch a movie.

  
  

  I felt bad for bailing on Jason on his birthday, so after having cake (it had a panda figurine mounting another from behind with “she shi ni de ba ba” or who’s your daddy in Chinese written on it), a group of about 20 headed downtown for some cheap drinks (10RMB or $2CDN each).  As soon as I walked in, I noticed a basketball game on TV – God must have been smiling on me on Saturday because it was a TORONTO GAME!!!!  Unfortunately only the last 5 minutes or so, but man did it feel good… another thing I’m missing in Toronto. 

  
  

  I bought a couple gin and tonics and convinced a friend (let’s call her X) to stay and watch with me, even though she didn’t like sports.  The game ended as quick as our drinks did so I bought another for the both of us and we headed onto the dance floor to join the others bounce to some old school Biggie.  Then it was dance, dance, dance.  Frankie and Roy showed up with some mary and I ended up making a quick little exit to chat and smoke with them (tsk tsk Simon).

  
  

  I did my usual floating around, met some of Frankie’s female friends and continued to boogie down.  Moving from the Chinese to the Foreigners, I was quickly confronted by X with a stern “Were you flirting with me earlier today?”  I didn’t know how to answer (since I wasn’t – but how nice would a flat no be?), but ended up stuttering a drunken “No” out.  She just turned around and walked away.  I tried calling her as I stood amazed still trying to figure out just what had happened.  It didn’t take me long to piece it together though, and flattered as I was, as bitchy as she was, I had to quickly patch this little problem up (the expat community is so small that it would be uncomfortable otherwise).

  
  

  We did end up talking a little while later, I got her out of the dance floor and had to set myself straight.  I don’t know why I said some of the things I did, but upon retrospect, it seemed like I was just breaking up with X – telling her how unstable I am right now, how I am not in the correct mindset of a long term relationship right now, how she is such a great girl, but not now, not like this etc.  “I know, you’re only into Asian girls, right?” was her reply that stumped me and forced a difficult no out of my throat.  X is a very attractive and intelligent girl, knows how to party and has a great smile.  She’s also caucasian, and it didn’t dawn on me how shallow I sometimes can be until she asked me that question.  Or is that being shallow?  I don’t know how to answer this, everyone is entitled to his/her own tastes right?  Things are all good now, but this whole issue still bothers me.

  
  

  And it also dawned on me that on average, the girls that have been attracted to me and actually show interest (can you believe this actually happens?) have been either caucasians or Asians that are attracted to caucasians.

  
  

  Which begs the question that if I am attracted to Asians, but they are not attracted to me, and if I am not attracted to caucasians, but they are attracted to me, am I to live a life of solitude???  Egads, say it ain’t so.

  • 8:52 am
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